Angel in a Closet

Angel with head bowed in shaft of light

Do you believe there are angels and demons in this world?

I believe that all of us ask this question in our life at some point. I’ve seen many pictures of angels and demons portrayed in books myself. I’m sure you have too. These portrayals have been seen by human kind for hundreds of years. So you have to think that these people have had experiences with good and evil, right? I’d argue that the statues and depictions of both angels are proof that they exist. Are angels from heaven and evil spirits from hell? I’d have to say, yes. I also believe they feed on what type of energy we exude when living our lives, be it good or bad. This is how they grow stronger, or become weakened by some spiritual change. I’m not an expert on this. I’m only sharing my thoughts.

What about right now? You may be feeling like the devil has his hands gripped around your throat at this very moment. You may be struggling with your disease of alcoholism or addiction to drugs. You may be doing things in your life right now that you’re not proud of and the shame drives you to continue to drink. I’m well aware of these feelings and thought processes. It’s a brutal cycle! And, we all wonder, “How can I break the cycle of this madness?”

I’m sure at some point in your life you’ve felt at peace too. You felt protected and you couldn’t explain why. You just felt like you were in a place that nothing bad could happen to you. Would you think these are angels looking over you? Protecting you from the evil spirits that are waiting for you to be weak? I’ve felt this feeling of safety before. I believe these are angels looking over us. And sometimes they lose the fight due to our self-will of human choice. Meaning, we choose the easier way in life and drink our sorrows away. This is the way of the devil. He makes everything easier, “so it seems”, at a serious cost.

I’m here to tell you that you’re in a safe and protected place at this moment. Thank you for listening to something or someone that told you to take a change and read my blog. Be proud of yourself! Many people will never find this blog or even want to bother to read these posts. It takes strength to do something different than simply choosing to mix another drink or get into your car and drive to the bar.

If you believe it, you’re here (reading my blog) because you’re supposed to be here.

And the reality is, that you’re here because you’ve earned a seat in the rooms of AA or NA and are continuing to work your program of recovery. Or, this could be your first time EVER reading something like what you’re reading right now. You deserve every good thing that is about to happen to your life. You deserve to live a life without alcohol and/or drugs.

I was at a point with my alcoholism (during the years of 2006-2008) in which I was suffering greatly. I was suffering with drinking, depression, and loneliness. I felt life was over for me, nothing to look forward to. I truly felt at times that the devil was running my life the way my mind was functioning. I remember looking into the mirror and seeing someone evil, broken, defeated. This will sound crazy, but I read somewhere that you can get rid of the devil if you stare deep into your eyes when looking in the mirror and ask for the devil to be gone. I wanted to be normal again so badly that I had nothing to lose. So I said, “What the hell, I’ll try it!” So I went into the bathroom and looked into my eyes in the mirror. It was creepy to say the least, but then I asked for the devil to leave me. I mean, I was screaming for him to leave me. I was so pissed that my life had gone to shit. I asked God to remove the devil from my body and spirit. I don’t know if this helped, but it must have since I’m here today. I’m alive, happy, and sober. I guess you could look at it that I wanted a relationship more with God at that moment then with the devil.

So why am I writing about all this mumbo jumbo stuff? The reason is, because I had a moment where an angel was looking out for me.

That angel was found in my closet.

I had been in AA for a short stint. I relapsed and was out experimenting again. I won’t bore you with what was going on while I was drinking again. But I couldn’t get the things I had learned in the rooms of AA out of my head. Something was sticking to me and it definitely wasn’t making drinking fun anymore. You know what I mean, right? Drinking can never be fun again knowing you’re an alcoholic and knowing you shouldn’t be drinking. You’ve crossed that line. Can you relate if you’ve had some sobriety?

So I was going to my closet one night to put on some clothes. I can’t remember if I planned on going out to drink, but I don’t think I did. So I went into my closet to get a sweatshirt or shirt. For some reason I looked over to the back area of my closet and my AA big book was staring me in my face. It was sitting on top of a box. I had left it there for some unknown reason. Obviously I had used it, but not that much. I decided to put it aside since I thought, I “wasn’t as bad as others” that I saw in the rooms of AA. I still think about this moment and wonder why I had never packed it away? Or why I never threw it away in the garbage? I’m glad I didn’t.

Here’s some advice – Do yourself a favor and don’t ever throw your big book away.

I don’t really remember putting it there but it really doesn’t matter. It was at that moment I felt a calm come over me. I actually “wanted” to pick it up again and start reading it again. I can’t explain why, but I felt safe at that moment.

I can’t remember what I read, and it doesn’t matter either. What matters is that I picked it up instead of a drink.

I picked it up because something greater than myself was by my side and wanted me to start on a different path in life. Unfortunately, I still continued to fight with my disease even though I had reached that moment in my life. I did fall off at some point again.

So what is my point to all of this? My point is that sometimes you don’t need to understand everything the big book has to say right away. Your higher power is working behind the scenes for you to get your started. There are angels that are looking to pick you up when your mind is feeling like you can never pick yourself up again. It’s these good spirits that have the strength to strike down the demons that this disease attracts. No one deserves to live in misery and in pain, no one! Especially not you or me. We are good human beings. Unfortunately, we’ve been pulled into our disease day after day from the first drink we ever took. – “Do you believe this about yourself?”

I leave you tonight with this thought,

I do believe there are angels in this crazy world. I do believe good far outweighs evil. Your life can be good again (as long as you believe) it can beI never gave up and I never wanted to give up on myself. I was in pain and I continued to ask for help from whatever and whoever could help me. Maybe I did pack my big book away and didn’t know it? Who knows? Maybe my angels pulled my big book out of that box and put on top for me to find it? I don’t know and I really don’t care.

I ask you now, can you pick up your big book again? If I could, I know you can too! Your angels are fighting for you every day and have cleared a path for you to grab your big book, that has all the suggestions of how to get sober and live a happy life. They want you to grab hold of what is given to us freely. Sobriety! Recovery! Serenity! Peace! They want you to fight too, so don’t give up! This is what you need to do to rid yourself of the pain of this disease. It can happen and will happen if you have faith in yourself!

Enjoy each and every page of this incredible life changing book (Big Book of AA)! And don’t ever think you’re bigger than what lies between the pages of this book. Ego can kill us! Allow yourself the chance to see yourself in the pages of the big book and determine for yourself if you’re an alcoholic. I saw myself in those pages and I hope you do as well. It’s ok to be an alcoholic. I promise you one thing, it is absolutely possible to live with this disease and be happy. I’m by your side right now and so are the angels of your life!

God bless!

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